European University of Lefke (EUL) Guidance and Psychological Counselling Department Instructor Asst. Prof. Dr. Anıl Görkem made statements about “Anger Control”.
Görkem, “Today, as the whole world, we are going through difficult and so different processes, it is possible to say that this situation can have difficulties in dealing with the stress and anxiety left by the individual,” said the COVID-19 outbreak, causing stress and anxiety disorder and even anger on people.
“Sense of anger; It is the emotion experienced when the individual feels any disability, injustice or a threat to his own self. In particular, the limitation of our lives with COVID-19, the existence of blocked and delayed plans caused individuals to encounter situations and events that hinder the world of being happy. This situation has become an inevitable fact in the formation of anger in the individual, ”said Görkem. She continued her speech as;
Are aggression, anger and violence the same feelings?
Often, many feelings of aggression, violence, and hostility can be confused with anger. Although hostility involves feelings of anger, it is a longer-lasting negative emotion than anger. Aggression is one of the ways that anger and violence are expressed externally. So aggression is associated with anger, but neither is the same. While aggression is a behaviour, anger is an expression of emotion.
Anger is a natural emotion.
Anger can be frightening to many, but it is no different from other emotions. It is not easy to accept this emotion because it is very negative for the individual to reflect on himself and on the environment. But anger is a normal feeling that can be experienced just like other emotions (happiness, joy, sadness, etc.). Therefore, anger is a necessary emotion like every emotion. The way in which anger is experienced in a controlled way makes anger good or bad. Even anger pushes people to misconduct and motivates them (badly).
Wrong thoughts about anger…
There are also some misconceptions about anger. The most common of these is that women are less angry than men. This situation, which is also related to gender roles, appears as a wrong thought which is accepted socially and culturally. Another misconception is the perception that people who react violently when they are angry are strong people. However, the person who can control his anger is a strong person. Another misconception is that when we shout or punch objects, anger is dealt with. However, the fact that the individual hurt himself, others and other objects does not mean that he copes with anger. The idea that some people never get angry is another wrong thought. As we mentioned before, anger is a normal feeling. It is important to deal with anger here. Another common misconception among the public is that aggression; is that man has instinctive behaviour. We can say that the thoughts such as “his father was like this” and “there are such people in his family” are another misconception that can bring social aggression to an acceptable level.
So, how can we ensure a controlled feeling of anger?
If we define the part of the iceberg above the water as anger, we can say that many emotions that cause anger to appear are hidden in the area under the water. Therefore, finding the true cause and basic feelings of anger is a situation that will prevent it from turning into aggression. It is important to understand the basic emotions under the iceberg to eliminate the source of anger. The basic emotions mentioned can be feelings like jealousy, sadness, curiosity, loneliness, repulsion, anxiety, frustration, injustice, incomprehension, humiliation, and when these basic emotions, which cause anger, accumulate over time, the anger at the top of the iceberg when it hardens and solidifies like a rock. It causes the feeling to turn into aggression or harm the individual.
Anger, in a sense, burns itself first as a volcano.
Yes, when anger cannot be coped, the individual, like a volcano, first hurts himself. This harms the individual both physically, psychologically and socially. Today, studies suggesting that many physiological diseases are related to psychological reasons also support this situation. We can also say that an individual with good physiological and psychological health is a fact that will provide healthy societies that can affect society.
- So how can we control our anger so that it does not turn into individual or social aggression?
- We can share the issue we are angry with people we trust. Remember: sharing is a big potion that reduces negative emotions and increases positive emotions.
- We may postpone thinking about our position, which makes it difficult for us to control our anger, for a while, and may be interested in other situations that help us calm down and help us think healthier (such as doing sports).
- If the subject is important to you, be sure to speak.
- Take time to think about the event
- Don’t be insistent
- Breathe deeply (at least five times)
- Move away from conflict environment
- Postpone the discussion
- Play sports
- Improve your sense of humor
- Especially, “How can I express my anger in a way that does not prevent me from reaching my goal?” Thinking about the answer to the question will help us control our sense of anger.
Görkem, “ everyone should experience the feeling of anger, but it is important to remember that it is important to get the right person, at the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, in the right way. And, of course, most importantly, you will realize that there is nothing that can be beautiful and untouched unless you remove love from your life as a free and easy-to-find recipe.”